Friday, April 28, 2006

WOW this BLOG is Therapy

The hardest for me is relinquishing control- giving my son wings- Allowing him to fall and getting back up on his own. Perhaps this is from being a stay at home mom and being so much a part of his life so far ...It's like- can I actually let go of the back of his bike...because all I hear in my head is his voice at age 4 saying "Don't let go mommy, I don't want to fall" But as we all know...we have to eventually let go!

Then you see him soaring...the wind in his hair (uh...I mean helmet) Your so proud. Knowing full well he could do it all along but waiting until his confidence surfaced. Then we have to teach the boundaries, Don't go in the street, look both ways, keep both hands on the handle bars. He earns our trust and we can finally allow him to go passed the driveway a few more houses.
Fast forward to the teen years... What happened? Where was the transition of waiting for the confidence to surface...He wants all of this freedom NOW! He "knows he's ready" But as a parent, I know he's not, Am I giving him enough credit? He is a great kid and has shown extreme maturity in so many cases. Is it because I have read his friends My Space accounts and read it with disappointment, shock and utter disbelief? After all They are the ones who have the shocking information...But then there is that voice, Am I being naive...Is he just smart enough not to document his experiences? I know that this is the age when kids experiment, use foul language, test the boundaries. But how do I relinquish control of the situation and allow him to fail when what my fear is that he could really get hurt! He's 14 and a few months away from starting drivers ed. Car Keys people....

I have to get a grip on the idea that I will have to put car keys in this child's hands. Believe me that I do know that being too controlling could send him in the direction of doing exactly what I do not want him doing. I have always stayed on the tightrope with him. allowing him to go to parties, sleep overs, letting him have girlfriends all of this with a watchful eye and much communication. Probably more of that than he wants.
I should probably share a little bit about his character: He has always been in advanced classes; school comes easily to him
Extremely helpful around the house, cooking, grilling, cleaning, taking care of his siblings, he even does laundry on occasion.
He is very polite to adults and always tries to help me out when things get stressful. So where does my fear come from.
Where is my faith that I talk about so often? Thats what I'm looking for!
I normally can't stand the "what if" game but it comes so easily when your talking about a teen. Even a responsible one. He has a great set of friends (give or take one or two) I guess I should be glad that he is so well rounded in the academic,athletic, and dutiful son area. He does need help in the organization dept but so do my husband and I.

It's getting that phone call I fear. One day my daughter and I were waiting in line at the bookstore to get Rachael Rays autograph. I was #65 in line but my daughter wanted to meet her. as I arrived my cell phone was my son calling to see if I could pick him up from school. Uh ...we live 6 doors away I think you can walk and didn't you ride your bike? "Oh yeah" he said. I told him to call me when he got home so that I would know if he made it. I waited longer than 10 minutes and decided to call him Hello......where are you?........I'm going home the long way because I'm walking home with Allen. Okay well call me when you get there. NOT KIDDING YOU---within 30 seconds my cell rings again. It's Allen screaming---There was an accident N is hurt.....there's blood everywhere--I of course think it's a joke- for pete's sake I just spoke to him!!!
Allen assures me it's not a joke...then I hear my son moaning and yelling in the background. (Now remember I am still #65 in the line at the bookstore) Everyone around me has been listening to this the entire time-(except now I am getting looks that could kill because I AM STILL IN LINE)

I said hang on I will be right there where are you? On the corner of our street! So I call my husband because he is so much closer than I (Still in line) He said "what happened did he get hit by a car?" OH ...I have no idea....I did not even ask I just said we will be right there! He said "what does he mean blood all over...blood from where?" OH ...I have no idea...I just told him we would be right there! He said "Did he puncture his stomach or something? OH ...again I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!! Just get there as fast as you can!!! So I call my friend who lives right across the street from the accident.....Can you please go outside, there was an accident and N is hurt....She just got out of the shower and does not have any clothing on.....she yells to her other line rings......It's my really good very calm friend,who says in her sweet calming voice.....Everything is okay, I am here, I just happened to be driving by and saw him in the street.....he is okay need to call his orthodontist, I had a water bottle and cleaned him up but if you call the dr. then I will meet you there....I just happened to be in front of his orthodontist office and ran in like a crazy maniac- Still no idea whether he was hit by a car or what? In walks my hubby with my eldest son who has such a stunned look upon his face, he cannot talk he has blood all over his clothing, face, hands....he just asks me for help in the bathroom to wash his face. I asked him "What happened?" He looked at me with huge water droplets in his eyes (this kid never cries) and said he was trying to do a bike trick off of a curb but went up in the air and landed face first in the street!!!! He was more concerned with me knowing that he should have just listened to Allen who kept telling him not to do it. Allen competes in roller blading competitions and actually has sponsors. So he knew that the dirt was too loose for N to make the jump!!!

The Doc takes a look and sure enough the two front teeth are dead!! $5000. dollars worth of braces in this kids mouth, a couple of months from having them removed and one bad 2 second decision. But I didn't care- I saw his regret- I knew he just wanted those 5 minutes back to have listened to Allen's advice! But we all live and learn.

So I pray, I pray that I have peace of mind when he goes out the front door....I pray everyday that if he does do something that he shouldn't be doing that he get caught ( I am sure there is plenty he has done that I do not know) I do not want to be a dictator, or a prison guard, or even a controlling mother, It is my job to guide him, to counsel him, to advice him, to keep him safe from harm. But It is also my job to give him wings, to give him trust, to let him go, that is what a mothers love is to me! I just hope that he prays from me to have that allow him to be who he is going to be and not what I expect him to be. There....I found it.MY FAITH- I knew it was in there somewhere! Now only 3 more kids to go through and certainly not that I'm done with the first!


Romancing Simplicity said...

Wow, that sounds like it would be a horrifying horrifying call to receive. The closest thing I have to a kid is a cat, so I can't really completely empathize, but I can just imagine how I'd feel receiving anything similar about my sisters or a niece or nephew.

From what you describe of your son, I am sure that he will be a very thoughtful and careful driver and that he will make appropriate decisions behind the wheel. Good luck getting ready for this one, it's a huge step, and I wish the best for you and him both as he takes it.

Kvetch said...

I'm glad he was ok, and honestly, glad it wasn't worse.

Kvetch said...

I'm glad he was ok, and honestly, glad it wasn't worse.

Nicole said...

You're really freaking me out. Our boys are all under 6 and we've had 3 broken bones and one split head already. And I had the delusion that it would get better! LOL!

Anyway, keep praying, it's the best thing you can do. Your love and example will go far and I know they'll all turn out well...

Chaotic Mom said...

Wow. I can't even think of anything else to say.

Being a mom is tough enough. I have three boys, and I'm sure the middle one is going to age me quicker than the rest. Responsible, but still... ;)

On top of my game said...

My motto, trust and then verify!

I dig you!!!

Mega Mom said...

Ow, ow, ow!!!

He is such a good kid. I was talking about you and V last night and what great parents you are. You've given your children such wonderful values and lessons. You communicate with them on every topic under the sun. They are well-rounded and their lives are full of balance. I SO strive to be like you.

I'm sure he will make the best decisions that 14 year old brain of his is capable of making. I'm sure some of them will be TERRIBLE, but so it goes.... :)

I know you and he will both come through it all just fine!

me said...

Hi..just read your blog for the first time, as a mom of a 16 yr old boy I relate. it is sooo hard. i want to believe i have taught him what he needs, and i trust him. he is a good kid but it is tough to let go. he will have his license in a couple months and i think i may need to look into prescription medicine to get through the first year of that. hang in there, i hear by the time the 3rd is this age we won't care anymore :)

Anonymous said...

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